I forgot how hot balto sounded
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
