Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
