At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
