sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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