So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
