this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
