She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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