mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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