there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
