I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
