none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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