i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
