Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
