Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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