On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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