i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
