Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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