and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
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animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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