Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize