Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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