Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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