what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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