ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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