she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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