Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
