The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
