we're blogging at a bar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
