I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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