Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
