I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
