if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
