Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i out mim tonsoeep
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