I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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