guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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