We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
