dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
