Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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