Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
