yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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