how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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