You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
there is glitter all over my balls
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