I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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