i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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