she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
