I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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