Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
