He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
