I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i will never coherently bang her
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
