just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
