i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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