i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
