I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
