I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
