Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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