Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
