So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
