How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
