She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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