Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
